So there I was, at a local Target, wearing my girl-on-the-go uniform: yoga pants, white t-shirt, and a bag just big enough to fit my passport and phone.
I was excited by all the berries I was buying, scented candles for our new home, all the different chocolate treats. It was our first month in the US and I was feeling I could take over the world!
Fast forward 2 months:
I needed to buy shampoo for the first time in the US. I’d just finished the old one that I’d brought from my home country and wanted to wash my hair.
So, same local Target, same girl-on-the-go uniform, not at all the same energy. I was grumpy and exhausted.
I remember entering the shampoo alley and losing my breath. It felt like an avalanche was coming in my direction. Ten thousand different brands that I had never heard of, weird adjectives that I didn’t know if it applied to my hair, smiling women on the bottles - like they knew something that I didn’t.
My husband was in the produce area. I met him after 15 minutes, empty-handed.
I couldn’t make a decision. I didn’t want to make a decision. I was tired, overwhelmed and a bit embarrassed that a simple task became such a big deal.
I decided that I was going to use my husband’s shampoo for the time being.
I didn’t know at the time, but my shampoo overwhelm was a symptom of something called: Expat Fatigue.
The author David L. Szanton explains:
Cultural Fatigue is the physical and emotional exhaustion that almost invariably results from the infinite series of minute adjustments required for long-term survival in an alien culture.
He continues saying that the effort required to constantly evaluate and adapt ourselves to a new environment consumes an enormous amount of energy leaving the individual decidedly fatigued.
So, when we move to another country, everything is different and we need to learn very quickly how things work. Simple decisions as choosing the best supermarket, bank, or phone company - that would be no-brainers in your home-country - are exhausting abroad.
That’s because the “adult life” is full of responsibilities and decisions and, in our home country, they come slowly, we have a support system to explain things (for ex. family) and, mostly, we have many years to learn the lay of the land.
So what should I do? I moved to another country and I need to build a life and make decisions, but I don’t want to burnout.
Based on my own experiences and my coaching clients, here are some practical suggestions:
Learn to observe yourself and identify when you are feeling exhausted from the constant learning, evaluating and adapting.
Make time to rest and have some “me-time” - so you can recharge your batteries
Ask for help! Reach out to other expats or locals, ask for recommendations, tips, and tricks. Whatever information that can save you time and energy.
List everything you need to deal with and, most importantly, decide when you are doing it. Some things are important and require an extra effort, some don’t. Evaluating the best Bank for opening an account is important, deciding on your dream-brand for a shampoo isn’t.
Be OK with making mistakes. Have fun with all the wrong things you’ll probably do :)
Comments