I've lost count of how many times I've heard this line. From my expat clients to international friends and even on a random conversation at the airport.
It is a common feeling among internationals and expats across the globe:
when you’re out of your country and culture you’ll, more often than not, feel lost
not understanding what’s going on and even unable to put a finger on what’s wrong - more or less like a baby.
One practical reason for that is Language. When you have a language barrier or you don’t know common expressions and idioms, you are bound to feel left out of conversations and regular interactions. Even talking to a cashier at the grocery store can be daunting.
Another not so practical reason is Cultural differences.
What’s funny about that is when you can speak the Language, when you studied it for many years in your home country and can communicate fluently, you are deceived to think everything is figured out.
However, it’ll take you only a couple of days to realize that
understanding the words and understanding the context are two very different things.
For Matsumoto and Juang (2013), Culture is: A unique meaning and information system, shared by a group and transmitted across generations, that allows the group to meet basic needs of survival, by coordinating social behaviour to achieve a viable existence, to transmit successful social behaviours, to pursue happiness and well-being, and to derive meaning from life.
That description of Culture may seem all too theoretical, but it has practical effects which largely varies depending on the country you are in: Do people hug, shake hands, or bow? Is the workplace casual or formal? Do people speak what’s on their mind, sugar coat it, or stay silent? How people become friends? What’s friendship, actually?
One of the main challenges of being an expat is that you don’t share the same “meaning or information system” with everybody else around you. So, more often than not, you’ll get lost in cultural translation: what you thought was the meaning or intent of somebody’s action doesn’t match the reality. And that mismatch happens because you were trapped in your own “information system”.
I have an illustrative story: A US American coworker was casual and funny at lunch. The Brazilian counterpart assumed he was opening the door for friendship, and later invited him for a typical barbecue on the weekend - which was met with a not-so-subtle change of subject. The Brazilian coworker was left wondering what went wrong and feeling a bit hurt.
The confusion happened because we (Brazilians) pair Casual and Light-Hearted with Let’s-be-friends, and those belong to different universes for US Americans.
And that kind of awkward interaction brings the “I’m a baby” feeling -
you thought you understood someone’s intentions by their behavior, but you got everything wrong.
So what should I do? I know the language, I’ve mastered the idioms, but I can’t get past the cultural differences.
My suggestions are:
Read about the country you are in, its history and values. You have no ideia how much information you can get from understanding national holidays. The Culture Smart book series is a good starting point .
Watch the local news, talk to the people. Better yet, have a trusted cultural guide, someone local that you can check the meaning / context of behaviours you don’t understand.
Be curious about the WHYs. Not so much WHAT people do but WHY they do it.
And never jump into conclusions.
Are you living Abroad? I'd love to hear your ideas and suggestions for the next articles.
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