I remember our first month in the US. It was January 2019 and it rained the whole month. So much for that California weather, we used to watch on TV.
I stayed home all day, working from the most uncomfortable kitchen table in history. I’d set up my computer at a weird angle so that my clients wouldn’t see our bags on the background. I was alone from 8 am to 6 pm, every day, while my husband was at the office.
Looking back, I think it wasn’t the most joyful first month. The rain, the uncomfortable kitchen table, being alone…
Weirdly enough, the Estefânia of January 2019 would tell you she was ECSTATIC!
I couldn’t care less about any of the difficulties. I thought the rain was poetic, the kitchen table was charming and that being alone gave me time to watch 4 episodes of Gilmore Girls - without subtitles.
Every night, me and my husband would bounce back and forth from Trader’s Joe, to Ikea, Bed, Bath & Beyond and Whole Foods.
It was an adventure every time. The novelty was intoxicating.
All journeys abroad start more or less the same way. Everything is new and exciting. Every chore, every meal is full of discovery and we live in a constant frenzy. We are curious, open-minded and full of energy. Remember going on vacation in a new place? That’s the feeling.
Anthropologist Kalervo Oberg called this period the Honeymoon phase and it lasts for the first 3 months (give or take). And then, reality sets in. The Expat Fatigue sets in. And we start building a life.
The same as in a marriage, the Honeymoon phase plays a big part in starting a journey in a high note. It’s important to fully live this phase and remember it for the years to come.
So how can I continue to reap the benefits from the honeymoon phase, even after it’s finished?
Here are some suggestions:
- List all the things you were excited about when you first arrived in the country: local food, sports games, brands that you don’t find in your home country. And find ways to relive them.
- Try different things. New restaurants, social events, join a group. Even though you’re already settled on your routine, intentionally bring some novelty to your life
- Exercise your inner-tourist. Ask questions, learn something new, dig deeper, travel to a different place.
If for some reason, you didn’t have this optimistic phase in our first months, don’t worry, you didn’t “miss the boat”. With my coaching clients, I see that the Honeymoon phase can have many forms and happen even after many years abroad!
Comments